So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
