He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
try to milk me bitch
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize