Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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