Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
