I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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