Sponge bath it is.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Houston, we have a squirter
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
