yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
