I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
