I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
