How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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