Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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