playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
