how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
