I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
