What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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