I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
