My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I will die if light touches me.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
