so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
