He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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