His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
