I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
