well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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