Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
