big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
