North Korea, Best Korea!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
