Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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