I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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