Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
PANTIES FOUND
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
