Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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