it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I need a beard to bite.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize