I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
