I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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