i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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