if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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