i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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