U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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