i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize