I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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