If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
