I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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