Soap is not a condiment
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
