Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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