Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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