Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
