I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
