dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
