At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
