3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
