I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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