Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
