He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
