I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
