Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
