I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
