Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
