Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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