i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
wow bdsm is so cute
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize