he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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