Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
