I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
