oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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