youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
