Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
