The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
