I hate your face
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
