My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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