I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She bit a glass in half.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
