His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
