So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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