ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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