It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
