I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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