Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
