somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
