How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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