You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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