She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize