note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
third nipple confirmed
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
