I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
this hospital has no fireball
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
