WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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