everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
