Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
